Why Can’t We Live Together?
Written byÂ Precious In His Sight-Pam Adderely
Is It Wrong To âShack Upâ??
What could be so wrong with two people that are in love and wanting to spend every wakening moment with each other?
Is it a crime to want to live under the same roof with your boyfriend even though the two of you are not married?
Why would it be a sin to get to know the person that you love and that loves you, in an intimate setting in the same house?
Is it wrong to want to play house before walking down the isle?
Why is it so bad to want to learn the daily ways of the one that you love, before making that final commitment?
But I canât afford to live on my own, so my boyfriend told me that I can live with him and we can help each other out financially, whatâs so wrong about that?
My parents and I arenât getting along at this time, and they told me that I have to leave their home, I donât have anywhere else to go besides my boyfriends house, are you saying that I shouldnât crash at his house until I can take care of myself?
Are you really saying that living with my man, even though we are not married, is wrong??
I want you to show me in the bible, where God says that it is wrong to SHACK UP!!!
I am so glad that you asked me all of these questionsâŠâŠ
Letâs turn our bibles to the book of 1 Corinthians 7:9, “But if they canât control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. Itâs better to marry than to burn with lust.” (NLT)
Now, this verse of scripture is not telling us to run out there and get married. What Paul is saying in this verse is that it is better to marry the right person than to live in sin and lust. The word of God is not saying that marriage is the way out of living together. God wants us to live a life holy, pure and just. Not unholy, tainted and unjust! He does not want us to live a life of pressure and confusion.
Weâve read 1Corinthians 7:9 now letâs read versus 8-11 so that we can get a true understanding of what Paul was trying to say;
“Now I say to those who arenât married and to widows, itâs better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they canât control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. Itâs better to marry than to burn with lust. Now, for those who are married I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else go back to him. And the husband must not leave his wife.”
Wow, thatâs a mouthful and a whole lot to think about!!
What I feel Paul is telling us in these few verses is that we should not allow the pressures of this world to cause us to indulge ourselves in sexual activities outside of the marriage bed. (Donât copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is. Romans 12:2)
Paul is instructing us, first of all, to get control of ourselves (by not being promiscuous), and if we can not do this then we should find the right person and make it legal through marriage. Living together, to me, means that you have settled for something that you are emotionally caught up in. You have allowed yourself to move in a direction that is not a part of the plan that God has for your life. It may turn out that the person that you are living with, isnât the person that you are to suppose to spend the rest of your life with and this relationship can be blocking you from encountering the person that God created for you. (For I know the plans I have for you,â says the Lord. âThey are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.â Jeremiah 29:11)
Nothing is wrong with two people being in love and wanting to spend every wakening moment with each other, but at the end of the night, you should both say your goodbyeâs and go to your separate homes.
It is not a crime, according to the world, to live under the same roof with your boyfriend. According to the word of God, this opens a door to fornication, which God is against. Do you remember earlier I said that God wants us to remain holy, pure and just?
Shacking up with your boyfriend disregards what God wants for you. (We should be decent and true in everything we do, so that everyone can approve of our behavior. Donât participate in wild parties and getting drunk, or in adultery and immoral living, or in fighting and jealousy. (Romans 13:13)
You donât have to shack up, with a person in order to get to know them better. This is done through spending time in an atmosphere that is conducive to both of you. An atmosphere that allows you to see this person in the whole. This is done in group settings, like, hanging out with your friends, going to church together and even serving in a ministry together. When you spend this quality time with that special someone, you see them in a totally different way that will allow you to know if this is the person that you really want to continue your life with.
Why play house before you have established a home?
There is a difference between a house and a home. When you are playing house, by shacking up, you are just going through the motion and a routine. Your relationship is still uncertain, because in some relationships where two people are living together, they get so comfortable in their house that they never really make it a home. The ring is never placed on the finger, the marriage license is never signed, the wedding ceremony never takes place, why, because they have allowed complacency to set in and take over, to the point where there is no room to build a real home.
But when you get that ring on your finger and the ceremony is done, and the boxes are unpacked, and the china is placed in the cupboard, then you have created a home of peace for you and your spouse.
You may be thinking, Iâm still so young to even consider marriage at this time, Iâm still testing out the waters…
If that is your case, then do not add confusion to your testingâŠ.
If you are considering living with your boyfriend because you can not afford to live on your own, and he is telling you that the two of you can help each other out by living together, then I have a word for youâŠ
“It is better to trust the Lord than to put confidence in people. It is better to trust the Lord than to put confidence in princes.” (Psalm 118:8-9)
Notice, the word repeats itself but gives you different categories of who not to put your confidence in, but Who your trust should remain in.
If you have a situation where you and your parents arenât getting along and your boyfriend is encouraging you to come and live with him, then you need to step back and look at the whole picture and maybe you will see exactly why you are not getting along with your parents. Could it be the pressure that is being placed upon you by a certain individual that you claim to be in love with?
Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do Godâs will. Then you will receive all that he has promised. (Hebrews 10:35-36)
I do understand the pressure of life and what the world offers to you as a young woman. At one point in my life, I also thought it was okay to test the waters before making that final commitment. For a few months before we were married, my husband and I lived together. Our first child was already born, so we didnât see a problem in taking that next step, we were getting married any way. I did everything opposite of the word of God, and if I could do it all over again, I would do it right!
We loved each other and wanted to spend every wakening moment with each other, but it was not right. We had set up a house, but it wasnât truly a home. We were going through the motions of a couple that lived under the same roof, but it just did not feel right. Once we got married our house became a home and peace was present in the midst of our ready-made family.
No matter what your situation may be that is allowing you to think that it is okay to live with your honey, turn to the word of God and the biblical counsel of those that have walked down this path before, so that your decision would be righteous and holy!!
I leave you with this word from God, and I pray that it blesses youâŠ..
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths. Donât be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn your back on evil. (Proverbs 3:5-7 NLT)