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Why Can’t We Live Together?

Submitted by on February 26, 2010 – 12:06 pm2 Comments

Written by Precious In His Sight-Pam Adderely

Is It Wrong To “Shack Up”??

bigstockphoto_moving_house_young_couple_wit_6523792What could be so wrong with two people that are in love and wanting to spend every wakening moment with each other?

Is it a crime to want to live under the same roof with your boyfriend even though the two of you are not married?

Why would it be a sin to get to know the person that you love and that loves you, in an intimate setting in the same house?

Is it wrong to want to play house before walking down the isle?

Why is it so bad to want to learn the daily ways of the one that you love, before making that final commitment?

But I can’t afford to live on my own, so my boyfriend told me that I can live with him and we can help each other out financially, what’s so wrong about that?

My parents and I aren’t getting along at this time, and they told me that I have to leave their home, I don’t have anywhere else to go besides my boyfriends house, are you saying that I shouldn’t crash at his house until I can take care of myself?

Are you really saying that living with my man, even though we are not married, is wrong??

I want you to show me in the bible, where God says that it is wrong to SHACK UP!!!

I am so glad that you asked me all of these questions……

Let’s turn our bibles to the book of 1 Corinthians 7:9, “But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.” (NLT)

Now, this verse of scripture is not telling us to run out there and get married. What Paul is saying in this verse is that it is better to marry the right person than to live in sin and lust. The word of God is not saying that marriage is the way out of living together. God wants us to live a life holy, pure and just. Not unholy, tainted and unjust! He does not want us to live a life of pressure and confusion.

We’ve read 1Corinthians 7:9 now let’s read versus 8-11 so that we can get a true understanding of what Paul was trying to say;

“Now I say to those who aren’t married and to widows, it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust. Now, for those who are married I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else go back to him. And the husband must not leave his wife.”

Wow, that’s a mouthful and a whole lot to think about!!

What I feel Paul is telling us in these few verses is that we should not allow the pressures of this world to cause us to indulge ourselves in sexual activities outside of the marriage bed. (Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is. Romans 12:2)

bigstockphoto_couple_laying_on_b-1Paul is instructing us, first of all, to get control of ourselves (by not being promiscuous), and if we can not do this then we should find the right person and make it legal through marriage. Living together, to me, means that you have settled for something that you are emotionally caught up in. You have allowed yourself to move in a direction that is not a part of the plan that God has for your life. It may turn out that the person that you are living with, isn’t the person that you are to suppose to spend the rest of your life with and this relationship can be blocking you from encountering the person that God created for you. (For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11)

Nothing is wrong with two people being in love and wanting to spend every wakening moment with each other, but at the end of the night, you should both say your goodbye’s and go to your separate homes.

It is not a crime, according to the world, to live under the same roof with your boyfriend. According to the word of God, this opens a door to fornication, which God is against. Do you remember earlier I said that God wants us to remain holy, pure and just?

Shacking up with your boyfriend disregards what God wants for you. (We should be decent and true in everything we do, so that everyone can approve of our behavior. Don’t participate in wild parties and getting drunk, or in adultery and immoral living, or in fighting and jealousy. (Romans 13:13)

You don’t have to shack up, with a person in order to get to know them better. This is done through spending time in an atmosphere that is conducive to both of you. An atmosphere that allows you to see this person in the whole. This is done in group settings, like, hanging out with your friends, going to church together and even serving in a ministry together. When you spend this quality time with that special someone, you see them in a totally different way that will allow you to know if this is the person that you really want to continue your life with.

Why play house before you have established a home?

There is a difference between a house and a home. When you are playing house, by shacking up, you are just going through the motion and a routine. Your relationship is still uncertain, because in some relationships where two people are living together, they get so comfortable in their house that they never really make it a home. The ring is never placed on the finger, the marriage license is never signed, the wedding ceremony never takes place, why, because they have allowed complacency to set in and take over, to the point where there is no room to build a real home.

But when you get that ring on your finger and the ceremony is done, and the boxes are unpacked, and the china is placed in the cupboard, then you have created a home of peace for you and your spouse.

You may be thinking, I’m still so young to even consider marriage at this time, I’m still testing out the waters…

If that is your case, then do not add confusion to your testing….

If you are considering living with your boyfriend because you can not afford to live on your own, and he is telling you that the two of you can help each other out by living together, then I have a word for you…

“It is better to trust the Lord than to put confidence in people. It is better to trust the Lord than to put confidence in princes.” (Psalm 118:8-9)

Notice, the word repeats itself but gives you different categories of who not to put your confidence in, but Who your trust should remain in.

If you have a situation where you and your parents aren’t getting along and your boyfriend is encouraging you to come and live with him, then you need to step back and look at the whole picture and maybe you will see exactly why you are not getting along with your parents. Could it be the pressure that is being placed upon you by a certain individual that you claim to be in love with?

Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised. (Hebrews 10:35-36)

I do understand the pressure of life and what the world offers to you as a young woman. At one point in my life, I also thought it was okay to test the waters before making that final commitment. For a few months before we were married, my husband and I lived together. Our first child was already born, so we didn’t see a problem in taking that next step, we were getting married any way. I did everything opposite of the word of God, and if I could do it all over again, I would do it right!

We loved each other and wanted to spend every wakening moment with each other, but it was not right. We had set up a house, but it wasn’t truly a home. We were going through the motions of a couple that lived under the same roof, but it just did not feel right. Once we got married our house became a home and peace was present in the midst of our ready-made family.

No matter what your situation may be that is allowing you to think that it is okay to live with your honey, turn to the word of God and the biblical counsel of those that have walked down this path before, so that your decision would be righteous and holy!!

I leave you with this word from God, and I pray that it blesses you…..

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths. Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn your back on evil. (Proverbs 3:5-7 NLT)


pam1Precious in His Sight-Pam Adderely
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  • His Precious Gift says:

    Dear Anonymous,

    It is very sad that there are children involved in this situation. I know how hard it is for them to understand what is going on. They become confused and angry, and they often blame themselves. The only way to answer your question is with the word of God. I believe that the Bible is a practical tool for helping us overcome every trial; its guidelines are essential for when we need to make a major decision.

    Now the first question is are you both Christians? If you both are, the word says, “Offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:1-2) Now you might ask how can a person’s mind be renewed? The Apostle Paul tells us to “take every thought captive.” (2 Corinthians 10:5) This statement implies that there is a choice of the will, and that we can use our will to begin to change the way we think. Each time a thought that is obviously outside the will of God and contrary to the Word of God comes into your mind, replace that thought with a truth from His Word. The results are godly thoughts resulting in godly actions.

    Malachi 2:16 states, “’I hate divorce,’ says the LORD God of Israel, ‘and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,’ says the LORD Almighty.” So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. Divorce is never the right thing to do; the only way divorce is permissible is sexual infidelity (Matthew 19:9) or physical abandonment (I Corinthians 7:15) which involves a non-believer.
    I can’t tell you what to do and I don’t know what your situation is—even if it involves the children—but regarding divorce, you need to be careful in your decision. Marriage and divorce are not to be taken lightly. This passage cautions us not to separate what God has brought together for His purpose (Mark 10:9). It’s a binding contract with God.

    Now if there is abuse, I would really hope you are seeking help and counsel within your church or local institutions in your area. God is the God of love, peace and joy, and when there are problems in a relationship we see the opposite. The Word says in John 10:10:”The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” Don’t let the enemy destroy your family and your future…

    I will be praying for you and your family and I will ask God to give you wisdom to make the right decision. Remember always that Jesus loves you and you are never alone, He is faithful.

    Much love, His Precious Gift.

  • anonymous says:

    Wat if the marriage is really bad,then can the people separate,especially if they have children who are suffering?

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