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Home » Answered by Beloved by Him, Hot Topics, Recent Questions & Answers

Why Is It So Hard To Do The Right Thing?

Submitted by on March 13, 2009 – 12:00 pm4 Comments

temptation

Anonymous said…

Why is is so hard to do the right thing, when you know what you doing is wrong. This is the second time that I’m asking for advice. And I know what I have to do but every time I make my mind up to end this friendship w/ this guy I met; I can’t. I’ve moved to a new city and hardly know anyone. I’ve made some friends w/ ppl that I go to school w/ but don’t really hang out w/ them outside school. I met this guy about a month back, I know he’s interested in me but I’m not really interested in making him my man- just someone to hang out w/. So I’ve allowed him to take me around the city and we’ve been talking on the ph daily. I never asked him if he had a girlfriend bc I just assume he didn’t. I have a diamond ring on my middle finger on my left had that my parents gave me a long time ago. And after the 2nd time he asked me if I was engaged, I asked him if he was seeing someone. He told me yes and he was engaged. I was totally confused bc I don’t see how he can tell me I’m beautiful and it seems like he’s spending all his time w/ me but has a fiance. But I’ve justify keeping the friendship w/ him bc we were just hanging out. So this wknd we went to the movies and when he took me back home, I usually give him a hug goodnight and this time the hug lasted a little longer, it was more affectionate, and he tried to kiss me- which I didn’t allow to happen. I told him that I didn’t feel comfortable being affectionate w/ him. But to my surprise I’m still chatting w/ him when I know I shouldn’t bc I’m leaving the door open for both of us to sin. One of the post that I read today said something about not allowing the enemy to have something negative to report about ungodly behaviors. Please give me a word so I can stand firm and end this friendship. The truth is I haven’t had a boyfriend in like 3 years and I miss the affection and attention that you get when a guy really likes you. I go to church, bible study, read the word, pray every night. But being here alone w/out anybody and just wishing I had that close bond has got me justifying w/ the holy spirit why I’m still even talking to this guy- when I know I shouldn’t.

Beloved by Him says..

Dear sister in Christ,

You asked for a word, and you’re going to get it—the holy word of God. We’re going to walk through this together, step by step, so that you can get a real understanding of the deceptions and dangers of your situation, and the remedies that God has for them. If you’re willing to hear, believe, and act on His truth, then you can be set free from this confusion (John 8:32) and get your peace back (John 14:27). I truly hope you do, before a line is crossed and you’ve walked into bondage that is not easily broken. I know you can do it, because you’re already operating under the conviction of the Holy Spirit. That Spirit is the One of a heavenly Father and a wonderful Savior Who loves you more than you can imagine or comprehend! Go get a Bible, open to Ephesians 3, and read verses 14-21. It says that God’s love for us “passes knowledge”! You’re rooted and grounded in it! You are really, truly, unconditionally, and totally loved by God. You’d better believe it, because it’s the truth!

But your enemies, the world, the flesh, and the devil, absolutely do not want you to believe it. The world wants you to be isolated, so that you don’t get the Godly fellowship and support you need (I John 2:16, Hebrews 10:25, Gal. 6:2). Your flesh is at war with your spirit, (Gal. 5:16-18), because as a Christian, you don’t have to be a slave to the sin it craves. So it’s literally hell-bent on dragging you down as much as possible until the day Jesus takes us home. And as if those two weren’t enough, the devil wants to see you eaten alive (I Peter 5:8). Wow! You must have some important God-designed plan for your life to merit all this attention! When you get through this, and you will, because God is faithful to complete the good work He began in us (Phil. 1:6), you are going to be able to reach out and pull someone else out of the fire (Jude 23).

Let’s go back, though, because I know you’re not there yet. It’s so understandable that you’re lonely, not just because you’ve moved to a new place, but because there is a yearning in your heart for the man God will bring you—your beloved. As much as you have tried to imagine what he will be like, the Lord knows you better, and has fashioned your future husband to be just perfect for you (Song of Solomon 2:3). The day will come when you can share your life with that man, a man who will love you like no one else can, because he loves you by the Spirit of God in him. Don’t try to find him on your own, though. God will bring him to you in his perfect time (Psalm 18:30).

Until then, you might need to be reminded that you are very far from alone in this world. In truth, you are already off the market! Your eternal Beloved is none other than Christ Himself (II Cor. 11:2)! Isaiah 54:5 says, “Your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name.” He is the one Who will always know your deepest desires, because He gave them to you. He will always forgive and cover over your sins, because He died and rose again for you. And you will never be alone, because He will never leave you or forsake you! You are owned by Christ and sealed by the Holy Spirit as the guarantee (Eph. 1:13-14). You may not always feel loved, but don’t give in to feelings that are contrary to God’s word. The truth is that you are incredibly loved–you always were, always are, and always will be (Jeremiah 31:3, I John 4:16, I Cor. 13:8).

Speaking of not giving in to feelings, it’s time to address what’s going on between you and your friend. If you take an honest look at what God says about who you are to Him and what He has planned for you, how does your relationship with your friend fit in? It doesn’t. First of all, you don’t have a real desire for him; rather, it seems like you’re allowing him to be the substitute for the fullness of relationship that you can find in the Lord, if you are willing to trust and pursue Him. Second, you don’t mention that this friend is a Christian, and you have serious concerns about his integrity. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3) You definitely shouldn’t be spending so much time with someone who doesn’t honor God or their commitments—particularly when that commitment could be an engagement to another girl! He may be breaking a promise, a vow, to love and cherish someone else. Does God want you to be a part of that? No! And he doesn’t want you to tempt this guy or yourself, either, by giving long hugs and having chatty conversations that keep the door to impurity open.

Sister, you need to close that door and run—don’t walk—in the other direction. Find a good Bible-believing church and get involved. Get an accountability partner who is strong in the Lord and who will lovingly set you straight. Most importantly, pray to your Heavenly Beloved to keep you tight in His arms, and give you His strength when you are weak (Isaiah 40:31, II Cor. 2:10). He is waiting for you to come to Him, so that He can show you how cherished you are in His sight.

Well, what are you waiting for?!? :)

Sincerely,

Beloved by Him

4 Comments »

  • Beloved by Him says:

    I know you’re hurting and I can see why. You had great expectations for this relationship, especially because both of you are Christians and you wanted to honor God’s will for your lives. Now that he’s moved on, you’re dealing with the loss of the hopes you had, and the Bible says that can literally make your heart sick (Prov. 13:12). The pain of a broken heart can be felt in so many ways—spiritually, physically, and emotionally. God wants to heal you in each of these areas, so that you can grow stronger in Him and have your joy be full again (John 15:11).

    The most important thing to build on right now is your spiritual foundation. You were lovingly created by God (Jer. 31:3) for His pleasure (Eph. 1:5). He is the lover of your soul, and your friend that sticks closer than a brother (Prov. 18:24). You’re never not on His mind! (Ps. 139:17). The Lord wants you to be filled with His fullness (Eph.3:19), and someday, He will bring along the perfect person who will be another extension, not a replacement, of His love for you. God will put a fire in this man that burns for you and never goes out! (Song of Solomon 8:7) He knows exactly when you’ll be ready for your future husband (Ps. 18:30). Keep asking the Lord to give you patience and faithfulness to wait on His will and His perfect timing, and to prepare your heart for when that day comes.

    Part of preparing your heart is learning to not be controlled by your emotions. Right now, it’s especially hard because your feelings have been so hurt, and God will be faithful to comfort you (II Cor. 1:4). As Christians, though, we also have to use the power of the Holy Spirit to move past what we are feeling (or seeing, or thinking) and walk by faith (II Cor. 5:7). If we don’t learn to filter our thoughts and feelings through the light of God’s wisdom and word (Heb. 4:12), then we can be led into mindsets, decisions, and actions that can deceive and destroy. The Lord wants you to be strong in this area, because it will bring you peace and rest in your spirit (Isaiah 26:3), as well as make your life a solid testimony to others.

    That testimony will be so precious as people see the Lord working in your life, healing your heart and bringing you back into His service (II Thess. 2:16-17). It’s not healthy to despair over your situation. That’s why God calls us to fellowship with other believers: so that they can bear and share our burdens (Gal. 6:2). Find ways to actively serve God. You have a heart for missions—maybe He has a new thing planned for you (Is. 43:19)! Also, take care of your body, the temple of the Holy Spirit (I Cor. 6:19). Get outside and exercise, which will help your state of mind as you enjoy the blessings of your health and God’s creation. This is different from just working out so that you can be more appealing to a guy, or look better than another girl. Don’t fall into the comparison trap with his new girlfriend. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14), and when the Lord brings you the right guy, His desire will only be for you! (Song of Solomon 7:10)

    The only true connection between you and the other young man is that you two are brother and sister in Christ. God’s word calls us to be at peace with all men as much as depends on us (Rom. 12:18). This might mean that you need to separate yourself from seeing him, even platonically, until you can spend time together without being tempted to stir up old feelings. I think that the Lord is calling you to come away—to Him. Find your soul’s rest in Him, and let Him restore you, and your hope (Psalm 62:5). Love you, sister.

  • Anonymous says:

    Hi guys, i just came across this sight, not sure if this is the right place to ask but i need some advice.
    Im 21, have been a christian since i was 6 years old, when i was 18 i met a guy at youth club in church, he was a christian but wasn’t living his life right, we got to know eachother for six months and he sorted himself out with God then we started dating. We fell in love and had a great relationship. My family loved him and everything was perfect.
    during this time he developed as a christian and a person, getting himself a job and sorting out his life. A year and a half into the relationship i made a stupid decision and ended things cuz he got quite suffocating. We are part of the same church/youth group etc and saw eachother regularly. I broke his heart and he struggled to cope being around me, on the other hand i ignored things including my feeling. About two months later we where talking one night and both admitted we still had feelings for eachother (mine where as strong as ever) so we met up again and discussed going back out with eachother – in fact we practically where. This was the summer and holidays and missions teams meant we didn’t get to speak to eachother for a couple of weeks but i thought about him 24/7 and it felt just like when we had first met.
    However when i came back from holiday, he ignored my texts and then we where due to go to a mission team together (with others from church) and he didnt speak the whole journey there…My initial reaction was to think that someone else was involved so one of my friends made him come speak to me and he said no-one else was involved he just needed to be single to concentrate on his reltionship with God…no mention of his feelings not being there anymore. I was devistated but didnt challenge him as i tried to use the time apart to do the same. From that point we still saw eachother regularly at church etc and he never spoke to me or made any effort. I tried on various ocassions to meet up to sort things out as i felt there was no closure and it wasn’t right for us as christians to have issues with eachother.
    About two months after he told me he wanted to be single e approached me after a church prayer metting to tell me he was now going out with my big sisters best friend!! i walked off with tears rolling down my cheeks, this was three months ago and i have to see him at least once or twice a week and my heart breaks every time. I feel sad, low and cry regularly because i still love him so much, we talked about marriage and i always thought he would be the person i spent my life with. I have prayed continuiously and my feelings won’t go away. We both attend the same church and youth group while his new girlfriend goes to another one. I know God is soverign in all things and everything works together for the good of those who love him, however I can’t help but ask why i am still feeling this way and why the connection in church is still there. It is so hard to deal with this and when im around him i just want things to go back to the way they where, i miss him sooo much and can never imagine being with anyone else.Also i am constantly comparing myself to his new girlfriend who i sort off know, cuz of the connection with my sister (who i am very close too) I am terrified of seeing them together! things have been better recently and he makes some effort to talk to me and when we look at eachother i still feel this immense connection which i dont know if i am imagining. any help/advice would be much appreciated we have been broken up for a year and i have not been the same person since then, everyone says so i just want to be able to not have these feelings for him and get back to my old self or for us to get back together, whatever Gods will is! thank you =)
    oh and he has been my only boyfriend so it took a lot for me to enter a relationship with him in the first place

  • Lisa C. aka Trophy of Grace says:

    I thought her answer was great and very thorough and specific for your situation. hmm..

    Wasn’t your question?

    ‘Why is is so hard to do the right thing, when you know what you’re doing is wrong?’

    Beloved of Him answered that when she said..

    ‘Your flesh is at war with your spirit, (Gal. 5:16-18), because as a Christian, you don’t have to be a slave to the sin it craves. So it’s literally hell-bent on dragging you down as much as possible until the day Jesus takes us home. And as if those two weren’t enough, the devil wants to see you eaten alive (I Peter 5:8).’

    Bottom line is there is war between your flesh and war with the enemy of your soul.

    We all have to choose each day, moment, hour, minute, test, or trial whether we will submit to the Word of God or to the desires of our flesh.

    The more you spend time in the Word, prayer, and in fellowship with other believers the stronger and better equipped you will be to be able to stand against temptation and the strategies of the devil.

    One of my favorite scriptures is 1 Corinthians 10:13

    13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

    Even though it may be hard to do the right thing when we are tempted the Lord always provides a way out. I believe Beloved by Him’s response provides alot of wisdom and insight to finding the way out of this temptation.

    May the Lord give you the power, detemination, and self-control needed to overcome the temptations that will come against you.

    Blessings my sister..

  • Tai Nicole says:

    Beautifully and very thoroughly answered! Thank you so much, even though this was not my question, I was still encouraged by reading it and will keep this message both for myself and friends. (^_^)

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